Just Like Grapes

"When grapes are growing wine makers purposely stress them out by depriving them of water and giving them an over abundance of sunshine, and this weeds out the weak ones and only the strongest and the best survive. Those are the grapes that makes the finest wine. The greatest love survives the harshest of conditions, surviving that turmoil is what makes a relationship strong." -Love Wedding Marriage 

This past Sunday I spent part of my morning browsing through Netflix. As most of you Netflix subscribers probably already know, the "Watch Now" section offers somewhat obscure titles, and for the most part, movies that never hit it big in theaters. I stumbled upon the movie, "Love Wedding Marriage" directed by Dermot Mulroney and starring Mandy Moore and Kellan Lutz. Netflix categorized this pick under the romantic comedy genre, I assumed following suit that it would be your typical chick flick, and being the hopeless romantic that I am- I decided to give it a shot.

 In brief- the film depicts Mandy Moore's character, a marriage counselor whose life as a newly wed to Kellan Lutz takes an unexpected detour when she realizes that her parents' marriage is headed downhill, and fast. In efforts to reconcile her parents before their upcoming 30th anniversary surprise party, Moore stops at nothing in attempts to bring her parents back together- risking her own marriage and professional life in the process. Enough about summaries though, what I was most drawn to in this movie was a single line revealed towards the end which is quoted above.

After sorting out his differences with his wife, Moore's father in the film shares with her this bit of wisdom as she finds her new marriage to be in a rough spot ever since her attention was so drastically directed towards her efforts in reconciling her parents.

I thought this unorthodox analogy was very profound, and it struck a chord with me. Often times I think we become so consumed with over analyzing we forget about the simple things. When we spend more time thinking about the state of our relationships or trying to figure out what is going on- we lose sight in the fact that they can't possibly always be perfect. Sometimes we get stressed out, sometimes one person will have more on their plate than the other- but that doesn't mean that the balance beam won't sway the other way on occasion, or that the balance is lost forever, it just means that for the moment things are a little askew. The true testament to any relationship; be it romantic or friendship, familial or professional, is how well you communicate through obstacles- and in most cases when you finally find yourselves heads above water- your relationship will have evolved into a much much closer connection.

Really it's quite simple, just like grapes, any two people in a relationship who manage to endure the more difficult times with love, even through tension and turmoil...those who come out on top and are closer than ever- are the most incredible of relationships.

Those are the lasting relationships that make for the best lifetime shared with someone.

How Many "Great's" Can You Count?

My mom and her Dad, my Papa.

My extended family on both my mom's side and my dad's side are very different, but very much the same. On one hand, my mom is one of six, she has two sisters both older than her and three brothers, only one is younger than her. They are all 100% Irish and grew up right here in Massachusetts. My fathers side of the family however is a little different, he is the only child of my grandfather, the born and raised Californian who never left the West Coast, and my grandmother who was born and raised in upstate NY around the Hudson River area, but spent most of her adult life in California. So while my mom grew up with 5 other siblings, and my dad grew up with none, they both have an extremely comprehensive extended family, which always makes for an interesting time.

 I spent this past weekend in upstate New York in a small town called Germantown, not 10 minutes from Hudson. I have an enormous amount of family in the Hudson area. My dad being an only child grew up spending the summers on the east coast in upstate NY with his cousins. Over the years the relationship he built with his cousins was more like they were his siblings, and years and years later, by the time my brother and I came along, his cousins were considered to be my "aunts and uncles" and their children were my "cousins."

Little Grandma and I

The New York family was like my dad's immediate family, and NY was home to all of my grandmothers extended family. Her mother, my great great grandmother I called 'little grandma', was one of 9 siblings-3 of whom are still alive today. My great great Aunt Julie, great great Aunt Mary, and my great great Uncle Gabe. I have very fond memories of my little grandma, although she passed away when I was about 6 years old- I have distinct memories of her and I think of her often- especially when I am visiting in NY.

This trip we made a special visit to my great great Uncle Gabe's home. My great great Aunt Mary who now resides in FL was up visiting my great great Aunt Julie for a bit and we all got together. As I sat there, in a circle with my dad, my grandmother, and my great great aunts and uncle- I quickly realized how rare of a moment it was. In that very circle that we were sitting, there were 4 generations of my family. I don't think it is often that someone can say they have spent actual, quality time with their great great aunts or uncles, or grandparents even- and I would consider myself lucky to say that I have.

My grandmother's families' bar.

My great great Uncle Gabe, is an incredible craftsman, he and my dad toured me around his beautiful home which to my surprise was quite unique. He pointed out hinges on doors, and glass covered steel framed tables, horse shoe fabricated candlesticks- we walked from room to room as he described the materials which he recycle into beautiful works of art that were made extraordinarily useful in his home. Things from decades and decades back, that no one would have ever thought to use in such ways- but he managed to find a way to craft something beautiful out of it. The man has had a very interesting lifestyle, a formerly shrewd business man, he is a self made millionaire- but you would never know it based off of the way he utilizes what most of our society would call "scraps" or "trash." It's a mindset so rarely occurring now. Today he said is is "criminal to throw away and waste useful material." After walking through is house, and seeing the beauty he has created- it would be hard for anyone to argue with him.

As we were driving home from the weekend in upstate, I couldn't stop thinking about the visit, and how surreal it was to me after the fact- to think about 4 generations sitting in one room having a completely enjoyable afternoon. The stories my great great aunts and uncles would tell- seemed so much more than just stories from their past. Normally most extended family members with a title past just one great, is somewhat of a rarity for a person to have had the ability to enjoy a relationship with- take my mom for example who was the second youngest out of 6 siblings and never got to even meet her immediate grandparents. In my case it's different.

It got me thinking about how often we find ourselves taking for granted those moments at Christmas when our grandparents are repeating stories we've heard 7000 times before, or the jokes that never cease to show up at family gatherings- the little intricacies of the elder members of our family that become something we almost expect. What we sometimes fail to remember, is that having the expectation at all is something to cherish.